June 2025 Realmgard Short Scenes: Day 1
Dunstana's knowledge of Viking tactics proves lacking.
Today marks the start of a month of daily Realmgard Short Scenes. You can follow along with that here, on my Patreon, and on the Realmgard blog.
Enjoy.
“This,” Skadi declares, staring down at Dunstana and her ill-fitting horned helmet, “is an insult to me and my Viking ancestors.”
It’s impressive in a way that Dunstana’s helmet is too big for her head. Kat has always thought that her sister’s head is disproportionally big for the rest of her.
Dunstana looks up at her as the helmet nearly slides down to cover her eyes. “You’re just jealous that your helmet doesn’t have horns,” she counters.
“I’m not even wearing a helmet!” the Hrimfaxi mercenary notes.
Dunstana shrugs, causing her helmet causing her helmet to tilt precariously.
“Shut up and row!” Kat cries, currently the only one of the three actually working the oars as their boat draws up to the beach of the Piratesburg, the island fortress base of the band of pirates that have been a thorn in the side of Porthaven’s shipping for years now.
Thanks to her well-read, historically-minded cousin Annie, Dunstana has been introduced to the Vikings of Hrimfax of old. To the point that she’s decided that she’s going to do some Viking-ing of her own — complete with horned helmet.
Which, as Skadi is quick to point out, actual Hrimfaxi Vikings never really wore…
“Alright! Let’s go” Dunstana cries eagerly, moving to the bow and brandishing her wooden sword and cork gun. Vikings didn’t have guns, either. But Dunstana would never let a little thing like authenticity get in the way of her hitting people with her sword or shooting corks at them.
“So, Captain Kid,” Kat asks her sister. “What exactly is it that you think we’re doing here?”
“Oh, easy,” Dunstana answers. “We’re gonna do some pillaging?”
“And what do you think that means?” Kat continues, prodding her sister for some more information.
Dunstana shrugs. “Like, we steal their chickens, or something?” She looks hopefully up at Skadi. “Right?”
“Eh. Sort of,” Skadi sighs, making that ‘not quite’ gesture with her hand.
“Cool!” Dunstana says. “I’ll go wrangle up some chickens. You two can fight them.”
She points to where the gate of the pirate fortress is slowing groaning opening and a crowd of pirates is streaming out like a swarm of bees.
“Out of my way!” Dunstana calls, swinging at the pirates’ shins with her wooden sword as she pushes through the crowd. “I’m a Viking! I’m gonna pillage all your chickens!”
One of the pirates gasps. “She’s after the chickens! Stop her! Toss into the snake pit!”
Skadi blinks in bewilderment. “They have a snake pit?”
Kat nods. “I know, right?”
“Why do they have a snake pit? Was it here when they moved in and they just keep it? Or did they really go through all the trouble of digging a big hole just to fill it with snakes. And there aren’t even any poisonous snakes in this part of Realmgard!”
Kat nods. “I know, right?”
“Thonadis save me, the Ancestors will ever let me hear the end of this, but we should help her, shouldn’t we?” Skadi asks.
“I mean, we could,” Kat says with a weary sigh. “But, like, how else is she going to learn?”
She shrugs and sets an arrow to her bowstring.
“Well, on the plus side, I give it about a week before she gets bored and starts looking for a new thing to get into.”
“I got one! I got one!” Dunstana cries jubilantly, holding a rather bemused chicken above her horned and helmeted head as she pushes her way back through the crowd of pirate. “I’m the best Viking ever! It’s my chicken now, suckers!”
"It's my chicken now, suckers." I'm pretty sure that's exactly what Ragnar Lodbrok said during the siege of Paris.
Funnily enough, I couldn't actually kind any stock photos of Vikings with horned helmets. Now, Vikings actually didn't wear horned helmets (with the possible exception of certain ceremonial helmets) though they're part of the quintessential Pop Culture conception of Vikings.
A couple other things to note here. We've met Skadi several times now in previous Short Scenes, though the extent of her character so far is Hrimfaxi mercenary who works with Kat sometimes. Hrimfax is Realmgard- Scandinavia, basically a significantly bigger Iceland.
We've also met the Piratesburg. And its snake pit…
Once again, it's not a reference to the Pittsburgh Pirates — which is why I choose deliberately not to spell it with an H. It's only supposed to be mean something like "Fort Pirate" — burg(h) ultimately coming from an Old English word that means "fort, fortified city, or castle."
Finally, I'm not sure what, if anything, the formal name for "that ‘not quite’ gesture," but it's supposed to be this:
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